“I’m Your Captain (Closer to Home)” by Mark Farner of Grand Funk Railroad

Psalm 22: 1 (NLT): My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help?

Matthew 16:25 (NIV): For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.

Clocking in at just over ten minutes, this song can quite literally become somewhat of a sonic journey for the focused listener willing to invest the time. The storyline tells of a captain fighting to retain control of his ship under threat of mutiny after too many days lost at sea. The listener can presume after being sequestered to his cabin in utter disbelief this event is actually taking place, the crew finally delivers on their threat leaving their victim pleading for help from “heaven.” The remainder of the song is an orchestral swell with the simple refrain of the captain acknowledging he’s finally getting closer to home, presumably heaven.  

We all have our “ships” we have self-appointed ourselves as captain in charge of. These ships go by various names, but for the most part they sail through the waters of home, career, and family. And it probably feels like our ship is under threat of mutiny at any given time. The constant battle to retain control of what we believe is rightly ours from forces seen and unseen might make this song hit closer to home than we care to admit. Sooner or later, we send out the call…help me. And like the captain of Farner’s ill-fated ship, you might just lose complete control of your ship only to discover losing that control is what gets you closer to home in the first place. 

God, help; return my ship! Then…silence. If you follow God long enough, you’ll likely find yourself muttering these words in some fashion. Or maybe you’ll be screaming them at the top of your lungs, completely and utterly broken in a heap of tears on the kitchen floor fighting for each breath, demanding God show His face. Begging, pleading, even daring God to simply show up! The world can feel like it’s closing in and the one thing you’ve relied on, the one constant you’ve counted on to “fix” it or take away the hurt and pain is nowhere to be found. He has simply vanished without a trace. Or so it feels.

Your heart and brain may begin to wrestle with the notion that you’ve believed in a ghost. Caught somewhere between the guilt and shame of doubting your faith and the confusion of seemingly irrefutable proof that God simply doesn’t exist. Or worse, He does exist, but could care less about you. The thought occurs, maybe He’s letting you live with the bad decisions you’ve made. Maybe you deserve it and this is what punishment looks like. So much for being forgiven. This might be where the anger sets in. This might be where you find yourself in a place you never imagined, cursing God and demanding He account for His absence or justify His lack of fairness. And when you have no energy left, nothing more to give at the altar, you simply find yourself asking…why? Why did you leave me here to face this world, my disease, emptiness, brokenness, abandonment, addiction, etc., all alone…why have you forsaken me? There’s a fine line between defeat and surrender. They look alike to the outside observer. But God sees inside; He sees the heart where surrender looks like “Your will, not mine.” This is where miracles can and often do occur. This is where we give up control of our ship. 

Jesus himself expressed this very sentiment moments before giving up His spirit and dying on the cross 2000 years ago. Perhaps he was simply putting the proverbial punctuation on the prophecy of that exact moment foretold 1000 years earlier (Psalm 22:1). Or maybe in human form Jesus was permitted to feel the complete and utter weight of abandonment as the recipient of our deserved punishment for the sins of all mankind up to that point and forever moving forward. Maybe God the Father needed Jesus the Son to feel the immense weight of His absence and abandonment so we would know we had a true friend in our time of need, one who can identify with the pain and feelings of abandonment we are all likely to feel at some point in our walk of faith. We have that in Jesus. 

So why does God leave you alone? Well, He doesn’t. He hasn’t. That was a promise made long, long ago. He said He would NEVER leave us and NEVER forsake us. There are many reasons you may not hear or feel God’s presence. It is after all a very real feeling despite His assurance He is in fact right there by our side, just as He said He would be. Here are a few reasons we may not feel God’s presence or hear His voice; see which one stirs your heart. Probe there. 

Too many times we approach God demanding an answer to our questions but refuse to hear the answer that is not aligned with our world view, expectation, or desired outcome. Jesus dealt with this during His time on Earth. Many people expected His arrival and were overjoyed at the news of His proclamation of being the Christ, only to stop listening or hearing His message when events unfolded that didn’t align with their desire for the overthrow of the Roman empire and His ascension to an Earthly throne. Their will, not His. 

Perhaps God’s silence is what patiently waiting for His children to acknowledge previously provided answers looks like. He has spoken to us through His Word and in that Word, we can find comfort, peace, and most importantly assurance. Perhaps God’s silence is simply Him waiting for us to seek understanding how He operates before He can show us the plan. It can be hard to hear God when we don’t know what He sounds like. Aside from His Word, God can use others to speak to us. We’d all love a burning bush or a late-night visit from an Angelic messenger of God, but don’t overlook the seemingly ordinary messengers of God dressed as your neighbor, the cashier, teacher, quiet co-worker, or even the perfect song at the exact right moment. 

Although it never feels like it in the moment, silence from God can indeed be a gift. It is in this silence we feverishly strain to hear God. It’s here we finally reach the limits of our own understanding and finally stop trying to pave our own way, choosing to lean on faith instead. In this silence we finally learn to be quiet with God and rid ourselves of our assumptions, predetermined outcomes, and the noisy distractions of the world around us. God’s silence may simply be an invitation to join Him by allowing ourselves to silence the world around us so God can speak in His “still small voice” (1 Kings 19:12-13). It is here we learn we are not alone and closer to home than we’ve probably ever been.